Today was not my favorite day. Most days aren't. I have a beautiful life and many blessings and treasures and SO many good things.....and I thank God for them constantly! But just like someone who can't smell or taste, they don't stop eating and the aroma is still all around - they just don't get to enjoy it. That is how I feel every day within my own mind. For some reason I can't enjoy this life he's given me. BUT, every day I live my life for him despite how I {feel} is like putting on rain boots when you have to walk miles in the rain. They don't stop the rain from coming, they don't make the sun shine, but they do make a difficult messy walk a little bit easier. And I MUST admit, I am looking VERY forward to where I'm walking to. :-)
"I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." Philippians 3:14
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
A gift to my mom 11 years ago...,
Click Here to read my poem
A friend scanned and sent me this old poem I wrote my mom in 2004 for Mother's Day. I had forgotten about it and reading it today brought grace for myself as a mom in such a way that gave me freedom again to be- just where I am.
I'm not responsible to give my kids the best childhood ever, I'm not responsible to even make it enjoyable (although it's a bonus) I've been given these treasures, yes, and I treasure them, but at the end of the day I'm to remind them, God and ONLY God is their reason for existence, and He is the only one with the gifts to give them to accomplish whatever race He sets out for them. So, at the end of today, my hope is not to be the best mom, but to teach my kids there is a God who has forgiven them MUCH, and for them to forgive me and all the others who WILL fail them~
THIS is freeing.
I'm thankful for a mom who always pointed me to Jesus~
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31-32
A friend scanned and sent me this old poem I wrote my mom in 2004 for Mother's Day. I had forgotten about it and reading it today brought grace for myself as a mom in such a way that gave me freedom again to be- just where I am.
I'm not responsible to give my kids the best childhood ever, I'm not responsible to even make it enjoyable (although it's a bonus) I've been given these treasures, yes, and I treasure them, but at the end of the day I'm to remind them, God and ONLY God is their reason for existence, and He is the only one with the gifts to give them to accomplish whatever race He sets out for them. So, at the end of today, my hope is not to be the best mom, but to teach my kids there is a God who has forgiven them MUCH, and for them to forgive me and all the others who WILL fail them~
THIS is freeing.
I'm thankful for a mom who always pointed me to Jesus~
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31-32
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Disclaimer & Challenge
I love disclaimers because they give me freedom from the expectations I put on myself and the ones I think others put on me. So you must know- I'm not a blogger, I'm not good with grammar, I blog from my phone so few words no-frills and lots of mistakes, & more often than not- I'm misunderstood. But, I am a verbal processor, I think out loud, and to walk in freedom this is a great way to share my thoughts however small or large or strange they may be. I also love people and more than that I love getting to know the heart of people - the part that they don't share every day all the time. That can take effort, vulnerability, transparency, patience...but mainly it's the ability to not be afraid to be nosy. 😶 so as I share those raw parts of me I challenge anyone reading this to comment and share parts of them, 1) because I truly love to know people's hearts/struggles & 2) it makes me feel a little less alone 😬
Saturday, March 21, 2015
What is the goal?
Struggling with unmet expectations. Is the goal to come together with people and have a memory worth having, a warm fuzzy feeling, a good time with laughs, or an experience that enriches your life more?? I know what I would pick. But is that unrealistic? And is choosing not to come together because you don't have it cutting yourself off & being selfish? I don't know, what do you think?
Friday, March 20, 2015
Disillusion: to free from illusion
Illusion: something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.
I feel like today I got smarter than all those people who called me disillusioned like it was a bad thing.
I agree that disillusioned can also mean to be in a state of disenchantment & dissapointments, but that is not me.
I fight illusion daily, & I know I'm not alone. I have this crazy illusion that 'it's easier for everyone else' but disillusion reminds me EVERYONE has a cross to bear, & if you can eat donuts & not gain weight, or drink ONE glass of wine with dinner, you ENJOY tucking your kids in at night, then that doesn't make your reality better than mine, it just means your cross is different than the one I carry. And as I exercise my perspective, I realize in bearing my OWN cross, I find joy that He is expressing a part of Himself through my life. Today it is endurance.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne." Hebrews12:1-2
I feel like today I got smarter than all those people who called me disillusioned like it was a bad thing.
I agree that disillusioned can also mean to be in a state of disenchantment & dissapointments, but that is not me.
I fight illusion daily, & I know I'm not alone. I have this crazy illusion that 'it's easier for everyone else' but disillusion reminds me EVERYONE has a cross to bear, & if you can eat donuts & not gain weight, or drink ONE glass of wine with dinner, you ENJOY tucking your kids in at night, then that doesn't make your reality better than mine, it just means your cross is different than the one I carry. And as I exercise my perspective, I realize in bearing my OWN cross, I find joy that He is expressing a part of Himself through my life. Today it is endurance.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne." Hebrews12:1-2
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
He knew I'd feel this way
God knew we would feel this way & gave us His Words for hope.....there is MORE!
"For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down that is, when we die and leave this earthly body, we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him. For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body." 2 Corinthians 5:1-10
"For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down that is, when we die and leave this earthly body, we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him. For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body." 2 Corinthians 5:1-10
A New Day. A New Opportunity.
Today I {feel} depressed, discontent, and bored with life. Today I am thankful for the freedom to choose how I live my life AND acknowledge things that destroy me I don't have to allow in my life OR my body. Today was a good day! Perspective is a mental exercise. Made good choices, mission accomplished🎯
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
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